Thursday, September 12, 2013

Real Tips for Selling Your Home.

When someone wants to see your house, they will request an appointment time.  This, by no means, should let you believe that anyone will come at the time requested or leave by the end time.

If you clean your house for a showing, no one will notice that the floors are clean.  They will notice that they are not.

Sometimes days/weeks will go by without anyone requesting to see your house.  Have no fear.  When your house is the dirtiest and when you have the most laundry laying around, that is when you will have a showing request for later that same day.

3 hours of cleaning, packing up the kids and the dog and entertaining everyone for the 2-hour window they requested for the showing for a 5 minute walk-through.  It's the truth.  The truth hurts.

All the non-essentials that you packed up so that your house will look less cluttered before you listed your home will be must-have-essentials after a few months.

It's easier to shove papers in the closest drawer.  It's harder to remember where you shoved that bill that is due in three days the morning after your showing.  Come up with a safe place that you put all your important, private papers for every showing.

Don't light candles, play soft music, spray air freshener, bake cookies and all that other shit that people swear that you should do to entice people to buy your home.  Ain't no body got time for that and no one wants to walk into a fake-smelling house that sears their nose hairs.

You are at the mercy of the home-buyer.  Seriously.  It's a frickin' power struggle and the seller never wins until the house sells.  So you have to kiss major house-buyer-butt for that to happen.

You remember those people in school who would not understand assignments because they never read the instructions?  These people buy houses and they still don't read anything.  You are selling a ranch?  They will come see it and then send feedback that states that they don't like ranches.  Your house has one bathroom?  They will schedule a 3 hour window and then tell you that they really need at least 2 bathrooms.  Yes, the inherent qualities of your home is written plainly for all to see.  No, no one will read it, except for you.  Even if it's in bold and in Comic Sans.

I seem to care more about not creating new stains; my girls, however, do not.  I am getting really good at hiding them.  Thank you for admiring my casually-placed throw.  Please do not move it unless you like cherry popsicle splotches.

Do not bury a St. Joseph in your yard.  It will not help you sell your house.  It will just make you look like a crazy, superstitious person who is burying a plastic doll upside down near your for-sale sign.


  1. Thanks for your valuble Tips to sell house quickly.I am also planning for this.And i will surely think of your tips.Well thanks a lot.

  2. Hey I really like your blog and the given information about real estate. Great information.

    Sell My House